The Rule Hibernia team have decided to go undercover to reveal to the Irish nation who the fattest politicians in Ireland are. It’s a thankless task but we feel it’s our patriotic duty to reveal who the fattest slobs are in Irish politics. Here they are.
Noel O'Flynn
5. Noel O’Flynn
This Cork langer is fat bastard with lots of food in the cupboard and skeletons in the closet that were revealed a number of years ago. O’Flynn lost a defamation case in 2004 which was brought by a retired member of the gardaĂ, Jeremiah McCarthy. O’Flynn had to cough up over €12,000 plus expenses. What a douche bag.
It was a case of a politician trying to interfere with police work which happens all the time, Trevor Sargent of the Green party had to resign over a similar matter. The mistake O’Flynn made was to slander the garda in question. So not only is he a douche bag, he’s also a retarded douche bag.
On a lighter note, O’Flynn has a Bebo page. Yeah I know, only gobshites and 15 year old kids have a Bebo page, though in fairness to Noel, he hasn’t been active since January 2009. His tagline is “Wellcome”, maybe Noel saw this tagline on the Bebo profile of a 6 year old and thought it was a good idea to copy it. Pity the 6 year old is a retard that can’t spell. Noel also declares he’s scared of nothing. Well Noel is certainly not scared of getting a heart attack from being a fat overweight politician.
Jackie enjoying his breakfast roll
4. Jackie Healy-Rae
What can I say about Jackie Healy-Rae that hasn’t been said already? Well not much other than he’s a fat old fucker.
Healy-Rae is as cute as they get and the fat fucker from Kilgarvan, South Kerry, has proven himself to be the epitome of gombeen parochial politics that puts the greater good of the nation way down the list of priorities.
Jackie was a well known saxophone player in his time but as soon as he threw down the sax he had to fill the vacant hole in his mouth by stuffing himself with food.
Now Jackie is a good ole fat fucker that talks shit about the people of South Kerry. Well the man knows how to get the votes, you have to give him credit for that. Jackie has shown the nation what one old man with a silly cap and a thick local accent can do. If Jackie can do it then anyone can, and they can get nice and fat in the process.
Is Dan Boyle sustainable?
3. Dan Boyle
Dan Boyle is king of the twitters and king of the Green Party girth. Boyle should be ashamed of himself. He’s a member of a party that preaches about sustainability and having a refined lifestyle. Well there’s nothing refined about Dan’s waist size. A hypocritical politician then? Wow. Who would have guessed? How many fucking planets would be needed if everyone ate as much as Dan Bile?
While Gormley and other Green Party members are out cycling on their bikes, Dan is sitting in his house spending all day on his twitter account answering questions from other twitter twats. No wonder he’s a fat bastard. Still though, at least by staying at home all day he’s not driving around in an SUV destroying the planet, although someone should point out to Dan that it takes 20,000 litres of water to produce the beef in the burger he scoffs down while trying to convince some eejit on twitter that the Greens are not complete retards.
Of course the reason Dan can stay at home all day is because he failed to get elected at the last general election. Instead he was nominated by former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern to become a member of the Seanad. You know the Seanad right? That silly little debating society that does sweet fuck all and costs the tax payers €150 million a year. Boyle is on €70,000 a year, that’s some money for a fat computer geek who spends all day on twitter.
Brian Cowen gets his man-boobs out
2. Brian Cowen
Brian Cowen is the Taoiseach of Ireland and is a fat fucker. Before the politicians decided to take a few months off as the economy lays in tatters, Cowen spent weeks burying his head in the sand over various issues. His favourite line was “That’s not an issue for me, that’s a matter for [insert someone else here]”
Well Brian, I have news for you, every issue to do with Ireland is an issue for you, comprendez? You’re the Taoiseach for fuck’s sake. You’re the top dog, the big cheese. If you can’t understand that concept then fuck off back to the midlands.
Brian doesn’t get it. He spends all his time deflecting responsibility while munching on some calorie ridden piece of grub. Ireland will remain in the shit as long as Brian resorts to his number one activity of comfort eating. If the man can’t take responsibility for his big fat belly then what chance he’ll take responsibility for the country?
Brian Cowen is not a leader of men and women. Brian Cowen is not an inspiring leader that instils confidence and endeavour. Brian Cowen is a fat bastard from Offaly.
God help the HSE if eveyone was this fat
1. Mary Harney
An easy choice for the number 1 spot. Mary Harney is the Minister for Health. Incredible isn’t it? I heard a rumour that Gary Glitter was eyeing up the Junior Ministry for Health and Children.
I’ve written a previous article outlining just how daft it is to have an obese woman as the Minister for Health. It really does boggle the mind. Is it any wonder the health service is so fucked up when we have a slob like her in charge?
Next thing they’ll have some academic who never created a job in his life as the Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Innovation. Oh wait…. That sounds a lot like Batt O’Keefe. And hang on a second, he’s a fat fucker as well. Damn, I should have made this a Top 6.
They’re not as bad as some Australian politicians.
The only Aussie politicians I know are Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard and neither of those two are fat. I’m sure there are plenty of other fat Aussie politicians though.
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